


Five Reasons Why Matt Is So Fucked

by unheraldedUltimatum



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 07:19:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5407880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unheraldedUltimatum/pseuds/unheraldedUltimatum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Really, there’s a lot more than five reasons why Matt is so fucked.  But some of the most notable ones at the moment all lead back to Ryan fucking Haywood.   And his god damn hands.  Seriously, those things just keep doing stuff.</p>
<p>(or, the fic that sounds like a clickbait article but isn't)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Reasons Why Matt Is So Fucked

**Author's Note:**

> i have literally no reason for this being set in fake ah  
> and the past relationship i mentioned in the tag is jeremy and matt romantically together, which i only have some reason for

 

Usually, when one finds themself falling for probably the most feared criminal in the city, they just do nothing about it and pray that it stops.  And Matt was planning to follow suit, if it weren’t for the fact that…  Well, a few things, actually.

 

* * *

 

 

One, they were members of the same gang, he’s _seen_ how much of an absolute loser Ryan could be (although he still had enough fearful respect to not say it out loud).  So there was a _little_ less for him to be afraid of.  Not enough to make him spring into action, but just barely enough to make those who noticed his silly little crush tease him for being a scaredy cat.  Wanting them to let the subject rest was enough to start making him consider doing something about it, though.

 

* * *

 

 

Two, Geoff’s been telling them to partner up more often during jobs. And _no, Jeremy, it can’t be just a coincidence, it’s always been you and me, hell, we’re usually only_ backup.   _Besides, he would totally do that._  It’s true, Geoff would.  In fact, he _was._  Matt won that bet.

 

* * *

 

 

Three, Jeremy.  Of course Jeremy would try to get them together.  He and Matt had been best friends since _high school,_ even dated for a couple years.  So not only was he the first to know ( _know,_ not _make an educated guess;_ Matt trusted him enough to actually say it out loud), he knew Matt more than well enough to know what would make it work.   _More effective than Geoff’s tactic, at least.  Sure, it’s a_ start, _but come on.  That’s definitely not enough to make Matt cave in.  Good lord._

* * *

 

 

Fourth is what Matt has nicknamed “The Coffee Incident of Twenty Oh God Why Did I Eat So Many Of These I Feel Like I’m Gonna Barf.”  Usually, he shortens the title, but he crammed a little bit more sugary foods down his throat than usual soon before naming it, so the full title is sort of a punishment for him trying to use food to hide his feelings.

 

Wake up, pet at least one of the many cats laying about (“Seriously, why are there so many?  I love cats, but this is just too much.  See, this is why we broke up, Jeremy.” “Commander Fluffins doesn’t like that tone, Private Bragg.” “Hey, when did I get demoted?” “Uh…  You were just disrespecting a commanding officer.”), bump into Jeremy’s shoulder on the way to getting coffee, that’s the morning routine.

 

 

Matt had stayed the night at _Geoff’s_ place to help with some repairs, though, rather than him and Jeremy’s shared apartment.  Of course that routine had to be modified.  If Matt had known that the _modified_ routine would end up with him being even more flustered about _crushing on a god damn mercenary, wow, this is the exact opposite of where I expected to be when I grew up,_ he would have just skipped the whole thing entirely.  The coffee there doesn’t even taste all that good.

 

After several minutes of staring up with bleary eyes at the first tiny rays flowing in from between the blinds and onto the ceiling, Matt finally managed to roll off the couch.  While a bit of a relief, the lack of cats was also a bit jarring.  (“Y’know, Jeremy, I think it may’ve been less about having so many cats, and more about you _never_ kicking them all out of the bedroom when we had sex.” “Hey, they’re _great_ at hiding, how was I supposed to notice?” “That’s fair.”)  No Jeremy to bump into as he made a straight line towards the kitchen?  Slightly less of a problem.  He just replaced that with the coffee table by his shin.  Which is actually _more_ of a problem, sure, but it was very simple.  And while it was certainly tempting to just go back to lying down, he made his way to the kitchen anyway.

 

“You okay there?”

 

Matt hadn’t noticed Ryan standing in the far corner of the kitchen, so he was certainly very startled.  “Uh…  I guess, yeah.  Why?”

 

“Well, you’re walking kinda funny, so…”

 

The faint throbbing pain in Matt’s left shin jogged his memory.  “Oh!  Oh.  Yeah, I just hit my leg on something, no big deal.”  Matt was amazed by how casually he talking.

 

“Coffee table?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Ouch.”  He waited until Matt had searched around for a moment before he spoke up again.  “Want some coffee?  I mean, Geoff only seems to get shitty instant stuff, but…”

 

Matt was quickly having a hard time thinking of what to say, seeing as this was the most Ryan’s ever said to him.  “I-  Well-  That’s okay, I just need to find it-”

 

“In here,” he turned towards the cupboard behind his head.  He grabbed the jar from inside and turned towards Matt again.  “I was thinking of having some, too.  You can go sit down.”

 

Seeing it as a good alternative to standing in the kitchen at seven in the morning and fumbling through _you don’t have to_ _’s_ and _I’ll do it_ _’s_ , Matt walked back to the couch (although it was more of a _limp_ if the coffee table had anything to say about it).  While it didn’t take long for the coffee to be done, he tried to use this time to regain some composure.  What little Matt had built up was quickly destroyed when Ryan ruffled a hand through his hair after setting down a cup of coffee for him.

 

If it weren’t for Ryan sitting at the other end of the couch right then, he’d have gotten a head start on curling up into a ball and lamenting about all his pent up feelings.

 

(“Why’d you call it ‘coffee incident’ if you’re more focused on the hair thing?” “I swear to god, Jeremy, if you don’t shut up and get me the garbage can, I am puking on the new rug.”)

 

* * *

 

 

And those feelings will stay pent up for several weeks more, but now Jeremy’s busy somewhere else, Matt’s got their apartment to himself, and there’s a knock on the door.  This is the fifth thing.

 

To be more specific, the fifth thing is opening the door to see Ryan on the other side, saying he was worried he had gone to the wrong place.  Considering he still had _that damn skull mask_ on, that was very much something to worry about.  The sweet old lady next door surely wouldn’t appreciate the sight.

 

“...  Uh.”  Noticing the cold outside air and his own lack of a jacket, Matt realized that they’d best not stay at the door all night.  “Do you want to come inside…?”

 

“Ah, sure.”  After the door was shut behind him and a mutter of “I could probably take this off for now,” the skull mask was off, making this the first time Matt had seen Ryan maskless since the coffee.  This was a very troublesome thought for Matt.

 

“Sooo…  What brings you to this…  Cat playground, basically, god I’m sorry Jeremy keeps bringing in so many cats, I  only wanted one I swear-”

 

“Well, I _was_ thinking of maybe going to look at the stars, but it’s a bit cold for that tonight, huh?”

 

Matt, fool that he is, was trying very hard to not get his hopes up.  “Yeah, this place isn’t that great for stars.”  Foolish!  Foolish.

 

“I kinda figured, but I really just wanted to go somewhere with you.”  As soon as he settled down on one end of the couch, one of many cats leaped into his lap.  “This works.”

 

Matt was hesitant about sitting down, but that hesitation was soon replaced by a cat on his own lap.  “What, there something you need to talk to me about?”  And so, the hesitation returned and, therefore, the cat left.

 

“...  Guess I’m not being quite as obvious as I thought.”  He cleared his throat and turned to face Matt.  “Yeah, I do need to talk.  About how much I like you.  And apparently about how to take two hints in a row?”

 

Soon, it became apparent to Matt _the biggest reason why_ _I am so fucked._  “W-well.  Huh.  Let’s start with the first one, I guess.  How much _do_ you like me?”

 

“Enough that if it weren’t for all this face paint, I’d probably be kissing you by now.”

 

“That, uh.  That _is_ a lot.”

 

“Y’know, if you’re alright with me making a mess of your sink, I could wash it all off…?”

 

“I honestly can’t believe this is happening, but okay.”

 

* * *

 

 

Really, there’s a lot more than five reasons why Matt is so fucked.  But some of the most notable ones at the moment all lead back to Ryan fucking Haywood.   And his god damn hands.  Seriously, those things just keep doing stuff.

 

("So, how'd it go?" "What?" "The thing with Ryan." "...  How did you know about that." "Hey, neither of you were doing anything, _somebody_ had to set something up." "Wow.")

**Author's Note:**

> yeah so i have a lot of fics i already need to finish but.. see.. i would not be against some bragwood prompts.. wink..


End file.
